Most days, I am okay,
I laugh, I work, I find my way.
So okay that I almost forget
how quickly calm can turn to regret.
Then your voice changes, a reply feels cold,
a careless sentence takes its hold.
My heart beats fast, my thoughts all race,
and suddenly, I’m in a different place.
My whole world narrows to one fear,
one desperate thought, please stay near.
You ask me to listen, to rationalise,
but emotions are louder than reason inside.
I shout. I push you far away,
when all I really want is for you to stay.
Sometimes the pain becomes too much to hide,
and I don’t know where to put what I feel inside.
And then it passes. The storm grows still,
the world has shades again, against my will.
I see what I said. I see what I’ve done.
The anger disappears, but the shame has begun.
I tell myself, next time I’ll know,
I’ll stop the storm before it grows.
Yet somewhere inside, I’m scared to see
when the next wave will take over me.
So when I finally ask for care,
please understand how hard it is to share.
Don’t look at me like I’m beyond repair
I already carry enough fear there.
Most days, I am okay.
Some days, my emotions lead the way.
But even when I lose myself for a moment,
please remember, I am more than my worst moment.
Mansi
Bhopal, M.P.
